Theatrical Releases: Snow White and the Huntsman

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN || June 1st, 2012

PIRANHA 3DD || The original was borderline pornography. We can only hope this will be the same. STREAM
SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN || Never has a fairy tale looked so appealing, even with Kristen Stewart at the helm. The visual effects are striking enough to get me to the theater, not to mention cashing in on the perfect Chris Hemsworth opportunity, following The Avengers success. Academy Award winning Charlize Theron as the evil queen presents even more reason to step into the theater.
THEATER

5 BROKEN CAMERAS || By the end of this trailer, I was somewhat sold on this film. This type of “witnessing” documentary is the type of boundary-breaking, upfront look at society that is needed is delivering a powerful message. Like Restrepo and Hell And Back Again, real, graphic footage is shown and if that type of guttural delivery isn’t message enough, then nothing is. STREAM
6 MONTH RULE || As cliche as this film presents itself, the cast is intriguing enough to hook me. Martin Starr is about the only “big” name in the film and with a supporting role, that isn’t saying much, but the attempt at a bad boy-turned-good love story is simply romantic and possibly worth catching. STREAM
THE ANGELS’ SHARE || The Angels’ Share is missing that thread of plot that keeps the story flowing smoothly. Instead, there are just several bad ideas crammed together, all centered around a wine tasting event. What comes off like an underdog story with no real goal insight, this film fails to garner any of my interest. PASS
APARTMENT 143 || Ever since Poltergeist and the Blair Witch Project, it appears like it has become extremely easy to use these same ideas and continue to churn out film after film. In Apartment 143, a group of ghost hunters enter a man’s family in which his wife has recently died. Why she would be haunting them is never discussed (and if this were a deeper film, I would say there was a reason), but none-the-less, the scariest thing in this trailer is moving doors and laptops, which really isn’t scary at all. PASS
AS ONE || Synopsis: “As One” is based on the true story of the first ever united South and North Korean table tennis team that competed at the 1991 World Table Tennis Championships in Chiba, Japan. South Korea’s ping-pong star HYUN Jung-hwa and North Korea’s LI Bun-hui have each been defeated by Chinese player DENG Yaryung every time they reach a tournament’s final rounds. Instructed to team up as a United Korea team, HYUN and LI experience crisis and bungled coordination. But game-by-game, the two develop true teamwork and a budding friendship. Suddenly, an announcement is made that the United Korea team will be inexplicably disbanded, and the two young players must now prove to the world that their teamwork can surpass the doubts of a painful history. PASS
BATTLEFIELD AMERICA || The dance movie genre appears to be taking off, but I am not sure who Battlefield America is supposed to appeal to. While it’s rated PG-13, the film involves Marques Houston (R&B singer from the group B2K) coaching kids in hip hop dance battles. The trailer I saw had Marques arguing with kids the entire time. Though I get that dance battles are “cool” and all, there is nothing that will get me to watch this film. PASS
BLIND REVENGE || Synopsis: Sir Paul, a distinguished author, blinded in a horrific accident, advertises for an amanuensis, an assistant to help him with his writing. He employs the amiable Jane Ryder to be his eyes as he revisits scenes from his past and works on what he intends to be his final opus. Jane appears to be ideal: attractive, intelligent, unruffled by her employer’s abrupt eccentricities. But, gradually, we come aware that Jane has another agenda. Incrementally, Sir Paul’s familiar surroundings are altered. Strange things happen around the house and he becomes increasingly dependent on his new assistant. Jane plays increasingly sadistic games until their relationship breaks down… PASS
A CAT IN PARIS || This was nominated for an Academy Award this past year, and is just now hitting American theaters. But during my Oscar Challenge, I had the privilege of streaming the foreign version of the film. Visually enthralling, this animated feature is a nice throwback to old animation. At a brisk 70 minutes, anyone can make it through this small jaunt of a feature.
CELLMATES || Cellmates gets an “A” for effort, but the humor may be lost on me. Very dry and peculiar, the film is set in 70’s Texas where KKK chapter leader, Leroy (Tom Sizemore) is sent to jail and paired with a Mexican. When he falls in love with a Hispanic female janitor, he must use his cellmate to get her. This probably would have been funny 20 or 30 years ago, but now it seems outdated and mainly a stoner movie. PASS
CHELY WRIGHT: WISH ME AWAY || Wish Me Away appears to be a genuine documentary about Chely Wright, before and after she came out as being gay. Now, I feel as though we should already be past this taboo nature of gay and straight and be willing to accept everyone, but of course, the churches don’t agree. The element of this film that peaks my interest is the footage of Chely counting down the days before coming out. I admire her courage and may even spend some time watching this film at some point. STREAM
FOR GREATER GLORY || Andy Garcia has fallen fall. For Greater Glory looks like a bonafide History channel special with no real element of entertainment value or striking factors. Even Eva Longoria and Peter O’Toole joined this cast, but do not expect anyone to be talking about it. PASS
HARDFLIP || Synopsis: Hardflip follows the story of Caleb (Randy Wayne;To Save A Life, ABC Family’s The Lying Game) a young skater whose ill mother (Rosanna Arquette; Pulp Fiction, The Whole Nine Yards) and absent father (John Schneider; Dukes of Hazard, Smallville) leave him reaching for the only hope he has—becoming a sponsored skater. After finding a stack of old love letters, he sets out to find the father he never knew and inadvertently begins a journey he never could have expected. This story explores what happens when we let go of our anger and pain and forgive those who have hurt us most. PASS
HIGH SCHOOL || I am convinced that Adrien Brody will do just about any film he asked to. Let us be reminded, Brody is an ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR, yet for some reason he feels the need to be in this pot-smoking stoner film, un-cleverly titled HIGH school, about two high school students who scheme to get their entire school high from brownies to escape a drug-test that will get them expelled. Hopefully Brody returns to the land of the living one of these days and does something more exceptional with his God-given talents. PASS
LIKE WATER || Synopsis: In one of the most popular and physically demanding sports in the world, becoming a champion takes more than just blood, sweat and tears. Like Water follows Middleweight Ultimate Fighting Champion Anderson Silva, as he prepares to crown his four-year run as the unbeaten king of the sport with a record 12th straight win. With intimate access to Silva and his intense training, the surprising and inspiring man behind one of the greatest mixed martial artists of all time, emerges. PASS
THE LOVED ONES || Finally a horror film that looks like it will work. Extremely reminiscent of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre plot in keeping a hostage for dinner, The Loved Ones takes a look at a demented family keeping a prom date hostage after turning down the unpopular high school daughter. The Loved Ones appears to have all the correct elements, with torture, sex, and twisted characters, making this a film I can’t miss. RENT
PINK RIBBONS || Documentaries for the sake of documentaries are hard to accept. Pink Ribbons, Inc. feels like a documentary made for the sake of a handful of people. I agree that perhaps there is some corporate gain off the use of the pink breast cancer ribbons, but this documentary comes off a lot like some pissed off middle age women wanting everything their way. I might just see this film so I can argue about it. PASS
ROWDY RATHORE || Synopsis: While trying desperately to save his life and love, Shiva stumbles upon a deadly secret. A secret that will take him to a small town in Bihar; a town terrorized by a ruthless politician and the mafia he controls; a town whose inhabitants only hope for redemption is…Shiva! PASS
ULTRASONIC || What looks like an ambitious student project, Ultrasonic just does not hold enough weight for me to consider it worthy of a theatrical release. To think of all the films that don’t get made each year yet this film is somehow released into the world in theaters is baffling. No offense to the director or producers, but I will probably skip this film on that principle alone. PASS
U.N. ME || Synopsis: When the United Nations was founded more than sixty years ago, it embodied our hope for a safer, more peaceful world. But as reports of human rights violations and international conflicts make daily headlines, a question arises: Is the United Nations living up to its founding ideals? The answer is a resounding no. PASS
WALLANDER: THE REVENGE || Synoposis: Based on an original story from immensely popular Swedish crime writer Henning Mankell, Wallander: The Revenge follows the titular chief inspector Kurt Wallander (Krister Henriksson) as he investigates crimes and solves mysteries in the deceptively dark underbelly of picturesque modern Sweden. PASS

THEATER

  • A Cat In Paris
  • Snow White And The Huntsman

RENT

  • The Loved Ones

STREAM

  • 5 Broken Cameras
  • 6 Month Rule
  • Chely Wright: Wish Me Away
  • Piranha 3DD

PASS

  • The Angels’ Share
  • Apartment 143
  • As One
  • Battlefield America
  • Blind Revenge
  • Cellmates
  • For Greater Glory
  • Hardflip
  • High School
  • Like Water
  • Pink Ribbons
  • Rowdy Rathore
  • Ultrasonic
  • U.N. Me
  • Wallander: The Revenge

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