Theatrical Releases: Jack The Giant Slayer & Stoker

STOKER || March 1st, 2013

JackTheGiantSlayer-poster Not nearly as bad as I expected it to be, “Jack The Giant Slayer” creates a fantasy world with kings and peasants, giants and magic beans, a fairy tale that I never would have imagined could actually be translated into film. Even though this PG-13 film is designated more for children, the darkness of the film is almost too much for adults at times, let alone children.
APlaceAtTheTable-poster With Jeff Bridges involved, it is hard to say no to this documentary about world hunger, even in the United States. From the people that made “Food Inc.” and containing stories that are already hard to shake about single moms trying to feed their families and the dwindling economy for even police officers, “A Place at the Table” is high on my list of documentaries to see this year. 75%
MOST LIKELY
Stoker-poster “Stoker” is the perfect English debut from director Park Chan-wook. It’s poetic, and like the piano parts played throughout the film, it is filled with crescendos and decrescendos, and is ultimately a study of perspective with which one little change can make the same series of events mean something completely different. The performances are tight-knit, the production of the film is masterful, and Chan-wook now has the impossible task of topping his latest film.
21AndOver-poster I enjoy drunken debauchery as much as the next guy, but there’s something about “21 & Over” that just doesn’t get me excited. Maybe it’s the overdone genre of college party comedies or the comparisons made to “The Hangover”, but no matter what it is, I will not be rushing out to see this. 50%
PROBABLY

BunohanReturnToMurder-poster Foreign kickboxing films just aren’t for me.
PASS
DayOfTheFalcon-poster Mark Strong is normally a pretty easy sell when it comes to his films. Toss in Antonio Banderas and Freida Pinto and I am even more intrigued. There’s an epic nature to this Arabian film that catches my eye and I will probably end up seeing this film. 50%

PROBABLY

EndOfLove-poster I know Mark Webber best from his comedic days in the Melissa Joan Hart film “Drive Me Crazy”. Now he takes a serious turn with his real life son in the independent film “The End Of Love” about a struggling actor and single dad with a kid. You have to wonder how much of this is reality based, as it is also written and directed by Webber. Also starring Amanda Seyfriend, Aubrey Plaza, and Michael Cera, this is high on my list of films to see. RENTAL
Evocateur-poster Yet another documentary about a political figure in the media, if I were to see all these films, I’d spend the rest of my life getting to know political figures one by one through these types of documentary film making. Although I know these particular people are probably entertaining to some people, for me, it’s just not my cup of tea.
PASS
FrankensteinTheory-poster What does this even have to do with Frankenstein? A part of me believes that this was originally supposed to be Bigfoot, but with “The Lost Coast Tapes” coming out with the same premise, they were forced to rename this film. Sadly, putting “from creators of The Last Exorcism” on your poster is not a selling point.
PASS
GeniusOnHold-poster A documentary about the true story behind the man that came up with the idea of the telephone and many phone related gadgets we use today, this shift in what we were led to believe is baffling and should make for an interesting historical revisionism.
25%

MAYBE

HavaNagila-poster I am not Jewish, and therefore have little interest in where the song and dance called Hava Nagila originates from. Not even interested on an entertainment level, this film is beyond the borders of anything I would be interested in.
PASS
IMeAurMain-poster Still haven’t had Bollywood films explained to me, so I continue to refuse to even finish the trailers for these films. Although I have no doubt of their merit within the walls of India, I really am not sure what American’s are supposed to get out of these films containing strange dance numbers and odd characters.
PASS
LastExorcism2-poster All credit must be given to Ashley Bell, the wonderful young actress who, yet again, takes on the role of Nell Sweetzer, reprising her role from the previous film “The Last Exorcism”. Had the ending been stronger and less of a throwaway, this could have been an above average film. Instead, it rises from its preconceptions and gains at least some sort of respectable stature.
Leviathan-poster And this documentary lands itself on the top of the documentaries that I feel I need to see. I do not see a lot of talking in this film and it basically becomes a firsthand adventure on a fishing boat. The sound design is amazing, the visuals are stunning, and I am terrified to see what else comes up in this film (as I assume there are some sharks in the water in some of these shots). I want to see this film badly.
RENTAL
LostMedallion-poster Yet another crappy, low budget kids movie that I will never give the time of day. PASS
MollysTheoryOfRelativity-poster Sophia Takal is cute but that’s still not enough reason to see this film, about a woman who loses her astronomy job unexpectedly and turns to her husband and family members in order to find guidance to her decision to move over seas. I appreciate all this low budget film is about and filmmakers need to start somewhere, but in the scheme of seeing films, I will pass on this one. PASS
Phantom-poster I love Ed Harris. I love David Duchovny. I even really enjoy William Fitchtner. But there’s something about “Phantom” that doesn’t exactly scream entertainment. Perhaps it’s the close quarters on the submarine or the paper thin reveal of the bomb on the sub, but regardless, I may see this just for the performances.
25%

MAYBE

TheSweeney-poster Yes, yes, yes! Ray Winstone is becoming one of my favorite foreign actors and “The Sweeney” is proof why. Beginning as cops and eventually becoming outlaws on the right side of law, Winstone’s performance in this film looks unstoppable. Damian Lewis takes a break from “Homeland” and steps into a role he looks perfect for and Hayley Atwell looks sexier than ever, having not seen her since “Captain America”. I will definitely be seeing this film. RENTAL
TrappedInAbyss-poster “They are alone, but they are not” could be one of the worst taglines to a movie ever. Not sure what this film is even about, as all we see are people entering a convenience store and than they start dying. If that’s really the plot they’re sticking with, I would almost say, “they are completely alone”, as in, no one’s going to see this film. PASS
VampU-poster If there’s anything worse about vampire lore than the “Twilight” series, then I think we’ve found it. “Vamp U” looks horrible, and since I’ve already seen it on a Blockbuster DVD shelf, I assume this is a straight-to-DVD venture. PASS
WarWitch-poster “War Witch” is hauntingly beautiful with strong visuals to back up strong emotions, with gritty landscapes and impeccable depictions of the dead, painted all in white and looming over the main character. This film is the true meaning of a coming-of-age story and with that comes one of the best foreign films of the year.

THEATER

  • Jack The Giant Slayer
  • The Last Exorcism: Part II
  • Stoker

RENTAL

  • The End Of Love
  • Leviathan
  • The Sweeney
  • War Witch

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

  • A Place At The Table

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

  • 21 And Over
  • Day Of The Falcon

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • Genius On Hold
  • Phantom

PASS

  • Bunohan: Return To Murder
  • Evocateur: The Morton Downey Jr. Movie
  • The Frankenstein Theory
  • Hava Nagila
  • I, Me Aur Main
  • The Lost Medallion
  • Molly’s Theory Of Relativity
  • Trapped In Abyss
  • Vamp U

HELL NO

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