Theatrical Releases: 2 Guns & The Smurfs 2

2 GUNS || August 2nd, 2013

2Guns-poster Without Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, “2 Guns” would be just another ridiculously plotted action film where its twists are telegraphed and there’s very little to grab onto. Pairing Washington and Wahlberg works perfectly, as their chemistry creates both tension and comedic relief from start to finish. Unfortunately, the plot of “2 Guns” is laughable, turning the DEA, CIA, and Navy into crooks, killing each other on a whim and parading around like the mob. There’s zero accountability and besides dying, no one pays for their actions.
Drift-poster How well do these surfing movies do to facilitate the continued making of them? “Drift” takes Sam Worthington into the world of surfing and mixes in drugs and we apparently have a new concept. Not one that I’m interested in however.
PASS
EuropaReport-poster An interesting take on the science fiction horror film, “Europa Report” takes the found footage genre and gives it a documentary feel following a group of astronauts to one of Jupiter’s moons. With a varying cast, including Sharlto Copley (“District 9”), Embeth Davidtz, and Dan Fogler, this film looks better than “Apollo 18” but also looks a little lesser than say a film like “Moon”.
50% PROBABLY
TheSmurfs2-poster I had zero interest in seeing “The Smurfs” and I now have zero interest in seeing “The Smurfs 2”. It is films like this that I even wonder how kids can watch them and find them enjoyable. Squandering the talents of both Hank Azeria and Neil Patrick Harris, and having Katy Perry as only a voice, so we cannot see her, completely diminishes this franchise.
PASS

ArtistAndTheModel-poster “The Artist and the Model” is a black-and-white, foreign language period piece with a strong female lead, but very little to push past its very small time feel.
PASS
TheCanyons-poster Not ever a huge fan of Lindsay Lohan, I am interested in her comeback, in this sexy, independent drama about a love triangle involving James Deen, the pornstar turned actor. From Paul Schrader who pens for Martin Scorsese, and from the novelist of “American Psycho”, “The Canyons” is probably not going to be the best film by any means, but it will be fun to watch.
THEATER
CockneysVsZombies-poster Edgar Wright’s “Shaun of the Dead” was the pivotal British zombie movie of our generation. So everything to come after, including “Cockneys Vs. Zombies” feels like a rip-off and therefore holds little appeal.
PASS
Intolerance-poster Though I have never seen D.W. Griffith’s three hour epic, “Intolerance”, if I were going to see it, I probably wouldn’t worry about it in theaters. I am glad films like this get a remastered, re-release, however, for everyone to experience if they wish.
PASS
RisingFromAshes-poster “Rising From Ashes” is an inspirational story about competitive cycling in the Third World of Rwanda in the height of genocide. Narrated by Forest Whittaker, there’s tons to take away from this film, but it is simply not a documentary that strikes as something I would be entertained by. PASS
SpectacularNow-poster In one of the most subtle and engaging coming of age films this year, “The Spectacular Now” not only captures the essence of being a senior in high school, it portrays an adolescent relationship in a realistic and unique way. Unlike most dramas of this nature, there’s no jealous or cheating, no lies and melodrama, these characters come off as real human beings, especially Miles Teller’s Sutter Keely, whose unabashed frankness brings a memorable dynamic to his character. Shailene Woodley has absolute control over her performance, providing an innocence that breathes so real, it’s hard not to take her as authentic.
TopCat-poster Unless people actually watched “Top Cat” as a kid, no one is going to see this movie. The animation is boxy, there’s no notable voice-acting, and all the characters tend to seem the same. Not sure how animated films like this get made, but there’s no way they ever make their money back.
PASS
WhenComedyWentToSchool-poster “When Comedy Went To School” brings some of the biggest names in stand-up comedy, like Jerry Seinfeld, Rodney Dangerfield, and even Woody Allen, and shows where they got their starts. If this film is mostly their stand-up routines, count me in, otherwise I’m not entirely sure I could sit through it.
25% MAYBE

THEATER

  • 2 Guns
  • The Canyons
  • The Spectacular Now

RENTAL

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

  • Europa Report

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • Where Comedy Went To School

PASS

  • The Artist and the Model
  • Cockneys Vs. Zombies
  • Drift
  • D.W. Griffith’s Intolerance
  • Rising From Ashes
  • The Smurfs 2
  • Top Cat

HELL NO

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