Theatrical Releases: The Legend Of Hercules & Lone Survivor

LONE SURVIVOR || January 10th, 2014

LegendOfHercules-poster Until a few weeks ago, I had not even heard of “The Legend of Hercules”. With zero word-of-mouth and very little advertising for someone who is all but unplugged, I have heard of the other Hercules film coming out later this year starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. But this adaptation of the half God stars no one notable, except for, I am told, Kellan Lutz from the “Twilight” series, who barely spoke in the films. Now he leads this forgettable film full of hokey visual effects and a cheap ripoff of Zach Snyder’s visual style from “300”.
25% MAYBE
LoneSurvivor-poster Peter Berg finally delivers a top notch film in “Lone Survivor”, the true story adaptation of real-life marine Marcus Luttrel’s accounts of “Operation Red Wing”. Four men entered the mission, only Luttrel survived, proclaiming that he was meant to tell the story of these brave men who lost their lives by his side. Taking out over 100 members of the Taliban, this extraordinary story is hard to watch, as Berg delivers a jaw-dropping, bone-crushing, realistic look at warfare in the Middle East.

50KAndACallGirl-poster For a moment during the trailer of “$50K And A Call Girl: A Love Story”, I believed it to be an actual documentary, to which I would have placed it on my “MAYBE” list. But looking at it further, the film is in fact not a documentary and is a fictitious account of a man diagnosed with cancer and his friend taking him on a trip with his wedding fund. Bringing a hooker along for the ride, a love begins to blossom the longer she and the man suffering from cancer spend together. Were this a true account, it would have been kind of heartwarming although beg the question of being scripted, so for all our sakes, I guess we’re lucky it’s not.
PASS
AdventurerTheCurseOfTheMidasBox-poster Ending up a little too much like a period piece version of “National Treasure”, I’m not sure whether “The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box” is a children’s movie or not. With a rather distinguished cast including Michael Sheen, Sam Neill, and apparently one of the busiest women in Hollywood, Lena Headey, the film is a race to find something called the Midas Box, but with dark themes and nothing apparent to hook kids, this falls into a strange middle ground for young adults.
PASS
BansheeChapter-poster Found footage being on the rise as it is, it is not hard for a horror film to take the idea and run with it. “Banshee Chapter” involves a government experiment with mild-altering drugs. Using the coined found footage elements to likely produce scares, the film acts as an investigation into a missing friend in some sort of laboratory filled with strange looking beings. Although this could end up being terrible, there’s always a chance a small independent film like this could stumble upon the next level of found footage horror.
50% PROBABLY
DivorceCorp-poster Documentaries are hard enough to watch as it is, but when you have one like “Divorce Corp” that is trying to be overly dramatic and make something out of nothing, it becomes impossible. I hate reenactments in most documentaries, because most often than not, it comes off like the film-makers didn’t have enough footage to put together the content to make a feature length film. This one feels like interviews with people about a lame topic like divorce with no glue to hold it together.
PASS
Dumbbells-poster “Dumbbells” looks about as low budget as a film can get and still be above the line of the quality of most soft core pornography. With a nobody main cast, the interesting supporting cast is baffling, with Tom Arnold, Jay Mohr, Jaleel White, and Fabio taking on cameos and showing just how far they have fallen. A story about an injured basketball player trying to help a gym, I’m not sure who would go see this film but I feel sorry for anyone that spends money on it.
PASS
IfYouBuildIt-poster Do not get me wrong, I am all for inspirational stories, but the one in “If You Build It” feels a little bit too small scale to be getting excited about. If this were taking place in a third world country, it would hold so much more weight, but instead, it’s happening in North Carolina, where the kids are entitled and the biggest threat in a town is that there is nothing to do. Sorry if I’m not completely rooting for these people but there are much more deserving stories to be told out there.
PASS
InBloom-poster Foreign film “In Bloom” uses a scene from the film as its trailer and expects you to put the pieces together yourself. Needless to say, I could not and reading the synopsis about the newly independent country of Georgia after the fall of the Soviet Union, there’s absolutely no way to deduct this sort of premise from a room full of girls chatting and smoking until of their mothers arrives home and they quickly rush to look normal.
PASS
LovesHerGun-poster “Loves Her Gun” follows too much of the same predictable paths of a revenge flick, with a woman getting beaten (and raped?) on a dark street with men wearing animal masks. She then embarks on a road trip with a friend where she discovers guns. The only real line in the trailer is “trouble seems to be following me” but with no explanation whether this is a psychological thriller or a revenge movie, there’s really no way to tell.
PASS
Raze-poster2 Zoe Bell and Rachel Nichols (as well as Doug Jones) star in this mostly female cast, as they fight to kill one another to save their families while locked in some sort of dungeon by rich people. Promising to be an action fest with little to no exploitation of females and their naked bodies, “Raze” doesn’t take the easy ways out and sticks to its guns and I respect that.
25% MAYBE
TheRocket-poster Australia’s official Academy Award entry this year, “The Rocket” looks like a very heartwarming coming of age story with a tinge of intensity. When twins are born in this village, one is given away, thought to carry a curse. The film follows the “cursed” child as his village points him out and in order to prove he’s not cursed, he enters the Rocket Festival, building rockets where the winner gets rich. The child acting in this trailer is impeccable and might be worth watching just for that.
25% MAYBE
TruthAboutEmanuel-poster A film about a daughter named Emanuel, whose mother died during child birth, Emanuel finds a pseudo-mother in Jessica Biel, a mother who hires Emanuel to babysit her infant. But of course, the thriller takes hold and Emanuel’s desire to have a normal family overcomes her sense of right and wrong and “The Truth About Emanuel” grabs just where it should and sets the hook with its great turns from lead Kaya Scodelario and even Alfred Molina as the father.
75% MOST LIKELY

THEATER

  • “Lone Survivor”

RENTAL

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

  • “The Truth About Emanuel”

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

  • “Banshee Chapter”

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • “The Legend Of Hercules”
  • “Raze”
  • “The Rocket”

PASS

  • “$50K And A Call Girl: A Love Story”
  • “The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box”
  • “Divorce Corp.”
  • “Dumbbells”
  • “If You Build It”
  • “In Bloom”
  • “Loves Her Gun”

HELL NO

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