Theatrical Releases: I, Frankenstein

I, FRANKENSTEIN || January 24th, 2014

IFrankenstein-poster A film like “I, Frankenstein” had to have seemed like a bad idea to at least someone producing this film at some point. Yet somehow a substantial budget was given to the film and now here it stands. Following in a similar vein as the “Underworld” series, the dark Gothic lore of the story of Frankenstein mixed with the visual effects you’d expect from action fodder such as this, and you get a laughable attempt at finding an audience. Aaron Eckhardt is another odd choice, but I still feel a need to at least see this film when it reaches home video, just to see how bad it actually is.
25% MAYBE

Aatsinki-poster Wow, I didn’t need to see that trailer. “Aatsinki” is a documentary that shows a year in the life of reindeer herders in Finnish Lapland, a place north of the Arctic Circle. The trailer is completely silent, though I do not hold that against it, showing images of the wilderness as well as the men sheering and gutting what appears to be a reindeer. This sort of graphic imagery should not be what sells the film. If, indeed, the film is about a family getting by on their hard work, I’d rather have been exposed to that instead of the slaughtering of an animal without my wanting to see it.
PASS
EnemiesCloser-poster Orlando Jones is an action star now? When the hell did that transition happen? Jean-Claude Van Damme takes hold as the villain in his latest film, “Enemies Closer” which sees Jones capture a local sheriff and during transport, sees them up against the trained men of Van Damme’s. Of course, none of them are match for the two men and the film follows your run-of-the-mill macho action flick story-line, complete with explosions and continuous fight sequences.
PASS
GimmeShelter-poster The cast is the only part of “Gimme Shelter” that I’d like to see, particularly Emily Meade, who is not featured in the trailer and James Earl Jones, who I do not remember seeing in a film since “Sandlot”. Vanessa Hudgens and Rosario Dawson seem to give performances equal to that of say a film like “Precious”, which follows almost the exact story-line. With some glowing reviews from Peter Hammond and a very dramatic trailer, I’m split between not wanting to see this at all and giving it a shot.
25% MAYBE
Gloria-poster Had this gone further than just being considered for an Academy Award nomination, I would have seen “Gloria”, but since it did not make the final five, I will probably not be seeing this film. From Chile, this foreign language film sees its main character looking for love very late in her life and showing that it is never to late to turn your life around. Visiting dance clubs and casually dating, the film is definitely set for an audience of older women with either a comparable lifestyle or a dream of having that lifestyle. Otherwise, it doesn’t feel relatable for most of the rest of the population.
PASS
JaiHo-poster “Jai Ho” is yet another Bollywood film to which I do not understand and will hold judgment until I do.
PASS
KingsOfBadassdom-poster Whether Peter Dinklage did “Knights of Badassdom” before his stint in “Game Of Thrones” or as a tongue-in-cheek move, the film looks like your average independent film poking fun at the world of Dungeons and Dragons, but tossing a bit of “Army Of Darkness” into the mix. With Steve Zahn, Danny Pudi (“Community”), and Summer Glau (“Firefly”), you can definitely tell the audience that this film is trying to reach. Apart from some actors that I’m actually fond of, I do not see myself enjoying the story for this film whatsoever.
PASS
StrangerByTheLake-poster Setting up a mystery in “Stranger By The Lake”, this homoerotic story of a beach and some casual swimmers, the trailer does a nice job of introducing the main characters and then setting up the premise that a dead body was found and it could be the swimmer that the main character has a crush on, as one of the newcomers states that he’s gorgeous but probably “weird”. Not quite my style, I appreciate a trailer that has a hook like this one.
PASS

THEATER

RENTAL

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • Gimme Shelter
  • I, Frankenstein

PASS

  • Aatsinki
  • Enemies Closer
  • Gloria
  • Jai Ho
  • Knights Of Badassdom
  • Stranger By The Lake

HELL NO

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