Theatrical Releases: Jupiter Ascending & Seventh Son

JUPITER ASCENDING || February 6th, 2015

JupiterAscending-poster This weekend finally sees the release of two science fiction action movies that have been struggling to find their way to the big screen for several years, both releasing trailers over a year ago and being pulled from the schedule last minute. “Jupiter Ascending” is the latest high concept piece from Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski, the creators of “The Matrix” following their last out-there project, “Cloud Atlas” which wasn’t bad but wasn’t great either. Mila Kunis stars lead as a normal woman on Earth, but a princess in the stars, as Channing Tatum fights to keep her safe. Eddie Redmayne plays villain and there’s enough going on here for me to give this a chance despite horrible reviews.
THEATER
SeventhSon-poster The second film that had a full trailer released over a year ago and then got pulled is “Seventh Son”. Trading the setting of space for a fantasy realm full of magic and beasts, the film stars Jeff Bridges as the mentor of a young man who finds out he’s actually a prophesized hero. Venturing to take on Julianne Moore’s villain character and her army of beasts, the film does not quite look up to snuff but with now two Academy Award winners in the film (should also be noted Redmayne, who plays the villain in “Jupiter Ascending” and Moore, who plays the villain in “Seventh Son”, both won Oscars this year) it is hard to turn down this film just on principle.
THEATER
SpongebobMovieSpongeOutOfWater-poster Cashing in on the superhero genre, “The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water” takes the cartoon characters to land and lets them run around in 3D, becoming superhero embodiments of their underwater selves. With the promos highlighting this and only this, I do feel like most people are being mislead, as the rest of the film is the normal cartoon nature that you’d see on Nickelodeon, with Antonio Banderas playing a terrible version of a pirate villain. Never liked the cartoon, not going to see the full length movie.
PASS

1971-poster Is it just me or does their seem to be a trend with our nation’s government, in particular the bodies like the FBI and Homeland Security that are supposed to be protecting us but are instead taking away our most basic freedoms under the guise of “protecting” us. “1971” is a documentary about a group of eight ordinary people that came together in March of that year and broke into an FBI office in Media, PA and sent the documents they stole to newsrooms around the country, exposing several damning operations on American soil. Having never been caught, the people have picked this film to finally step forward.
PASS
Ballet422-poster 25 years old and putting on a ballet for the New York City Ballet, Justin Peck reveals all in this documentary, “Ballet 422” which follows behind the scenes as he brings together this large production. The trailer tends to highlight many moments of him yelling at people to stop or barking orders so part of me feels like the pretentious nature of the entire ballet world is on full display here. I almost want to see it just to see how someone that age could handle such an undertaking, but then I remember it’s about ballet and I have zero interest in ballet.
PASS
EnterTheDangerousMind-poster The trailer for the psychological thriller “Enter The Dangerous Mind” starts off pretty basic. Starring a lead that is basically unknown, his supporting characters include Nikki Reed (“Thirteen”), Thomas Dekker (“Heroes”), and Jason Priestley (“90210”). But when the trailer reaches its halfway point, some creativity is thrown in with a dubstep track and some stylized editing that almost makes me want to see this film about a man’s failing mind, with imagery of him shoving a screwdriver in his ear and most likely being plagued by Dekker’s character.
PASS
JurassicCity-poster Not only does “Jurassic City” set computer graphics back a few decades, it also makes “Sharknado” look like a good idea in comparison. Grabbing a few recognizable faces (I guess if you squint really had at them, you might be able to place them somewhere), the film is basically the end of “The Lost World” played out in an entire film, with dinosaurs running loose in a city and wrecking havoc on many women in bikinis.
PASS
LoveRosie-poster2 REPOST: Despite this being your typical romantic comedy where best friends would obviously be perfect together but instead life gets in the way, “Love, Rosie” actually looks like a decent outing. Starring the pretty Lily Collins and a disheveled Sam Claflin (“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”), the narrative puts plenty of obstacles in their way, like a pregnancy and long distance, but there is something solid about the performances that makes this film look refreshing and worth a viewing.
50% PROBABLY
Lovesick-poster As much as I love Ali Larter, there’s a strong possibility that I will not be seeing “Love Sick”. Matt LeBlanc (“Friends”) stars lead, playing the unlucky in love doof who falls for Larter’s character. But when Larter leaves for a Vegas trip, LeBlanc apparently becomes clinically psychotic, or so one of his doctor friends explains to him. What follows is some unhealthy stalking that I find hard to validate even for a schmaltzy romantic comedy. Larter looks great, it’s just too bad she can’t find somewhere better to display it.
PASS
MadAsHell-poster “Mad As Hell” is a documentary that follows the rise of Cenk Uygur, an internet sensation that delivered groundbreaking news on YouTube, eventually reaching 1 billion views and being offered a job on MSNBC. The problem is, even on the major news outlet, Uygur’s boisterous demeanor and lack of a filter made him a target from the big brass on the network, trying to censor him from being so open and honest. But his convictions appear to hold through and offer a glimpse at someone willing to stand up for what they believe.
PASS
MattShepardIsAFriendOfMine-poster The story of Matt Shepard was not one I was familiar with, but the trailer for “Matt Shepard Is A Friend Of Mine” is powerful enough without seeing the entire film. Matt was gay and a student at the University of Wyoming and in 1998, he was brutally beaten, tied to a wooden fence, and left to die, just because of his sexual preferences. If anything, I’d love to see Ellen DeGeneres’ speech that is featured in the trailer about being pissed off because I am too. How things like this still happen today, I do not know. When will be people get over this homophobia and let people just live their lives?
PASS
Outcast-poster Where the hell has Hayden Christensen been? The last thing of relevance that he starred in was “Jumper” in 2008. Now he stars alongside Nicholas Cage, who continues to do any film that comes across his desk, in the Japanese action film “Outcast,” where they play the only two white guys in a world of samurai and kings. Fighting together to stop a mad man, neither their accents nor their ability to fight with swords are on very good display here, but still, anything with Cage in it I will normally give a shot.
25% MAYBE
PassTheLight-poster Continuing the recent surge in Christianity based dramas, “Pass The Light” sees a vocal congressman talking about exclusion and sexual outcasts, like those who have premarital sex and homosexuals, running for office. But during a speech at a high school, one basketball player can’t take it anymore and stands up against him, despite pressure from his religious parents to back down. He then runs against the congressman, with the platform of accepting all of God’s children. Although the message is on point the film itself feels like an after school special or a Lifetime Original Movie.
PASS
TheVoices-poster “The Voices” is basically a new twist on the likeable serial killer behind “Dexter,” except this film version stars Ryan Reynolds and instead of needing to kill, his pets actually talk to him and coerce him into things. Starring Jacki Weaver, Gemma Arterton, and Anna Kendrick, the humor of the film might be a little off-putting at times, but the cast is undeniably stellar. The talking animals element also adds some fresh and new to the film, creating a similar wacky horror feel like “Idle Hands”.
75% MOST LIKELY

THEATER

  • Jupiter Ascending
  • Seventh Son

RENTAL

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

  • The Voices

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

  • Love, Rosie

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • Outcast

PASS

  • 1971
  • Ballet 422
  • Enter The Dangerous Mind
  • Jurassic City
  • Love Sick
  • Mad As Hell
  • Matt Shepard Is A Friend Of Mine
  • Pass The Light
  • The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water

HELL NO

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