Theatrical Releases: Minions

MINIONS || July 10th, 2015

DoISoundGay-poster DO I SOUND GAY? || What an interesting concept for a documentary. “Do I Sound Gay?” interviews gay men about the sound of their voice, when they realized they “sounded” gay, and where they think that the voice comes from. Some men embrace it, some don’t, but all of them are finding out new things about themselves by taking a deeper look at the sound of their voice.
PASS
TheGallows-poster THE GALLOWS || As much as I’m over found footage horror films, “The Gallows” does succeed in entering the slightest of new territory by introducing a new sort of serial killer element, a ghost killing with a noose. When a group of young adults break into a school, they find out that a student there died during a prop accident during a presentation of the play “The Gallows”. Now, the friends are dying off one by one. Slightly reminiscent of the style presented in “The Blair Witch Project,” the biggest thing this film has going for it is the cover of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” in the trailer.
25% MAYBE
Minions-poster MINIONS || When the first “Despicable Me” came out, I was curious enough to watch it. Having not enjoyed it, the only reason I saw the second one was because it was nominated for an Academy Award. Now, with “Minions,” the prequel of the little yellow supporting characters that have been the actual hit among children get their own film, in an origin story of sorts that shows them throughout the ages, helping their evil masters. Sandra Bullock voices the present day villain, the world’s first female super-villain. What will keep me from seeing this one is the adolescent jokes and Minion rambling… that is, unless it gets nominated for an Oscar.
PASS
NowitzkiThePerfectShot-poster NOWITZKI: THE PERFECT SHOT || Here’s the question I ask myself: where’s the documentary about Michael Jordan or Shaquille O’Neal or even Lebron James? Yes, there probably exists some older or lower profile documentaries about them, but how are we getting a documentary about German basketball player Dirk Nowitzki before any of these other well known men. He’s accomplished and has been around awhile, but seriously, they are making documentaries about absolutely everyone these days.
PASS
SelfLess-poster SELF/LESS || Immortality seems to be one of the hot press issues on the world’s mind and that’s why we continue to get so many films about it. In “Self/Less,” when the rich get old, they can transfer their consciousness to a younger “vessel”. In this case, Ben Kingsley, who is dying, trades in his old body for the healthy one of Ryan Reynolds with the help of Matthew Goode. But when “memories” start returning to the man, he realizes these weren’t exactly “empty” vessels. Now he must decide if taking over a life to keep his own is truly worth immortality.
50% PROBABLY
Tangerine-poster TANGERINE || There are several things about the film “Tangerine” that make me happy. First of all, the two leads of transgender women, both looking lovely and the fact that the trailer doesn’t draw attention to this is proof of where we’re headed in regards to excepting everyone. Also, it was a Sundance Select and is set on the streets of L.A. on Christmas. What doesn’t work for me is the paper-thin story, the guerrilla-styling filming technique, and the lack of any real star power.
PASS
WhatWeDidOnOurHoliday-poster WHAT WE DID ON OUR HOLIDAY || How strange it is to see Rosamund Pike go from “Gone Girl” to “What We Did On Our Holiday”. Obviously, these films could have been produced in any order and many years apart and just happen to be released after one another, but the fact that Pike is so different, if anything, shows you her dynamic range. All I can say about the film itself is that it is British fluff, not really made for any demographic and existing only to exist.
PASS

10000KM-poster 10,000 KM || A common theme in long distance romance movies is the internet relationship, where couples are using Skype or Facetime to keep in touch with one another and attempting to keep the romantic elements of their relationship alive. And as in “10,000 KM,” this is easier said than done. You’ll recognize the female lead, Natalia Tena, from “Game Of Thrones,” but here she moves to Los Angeles and only sees her boyfriend through a computer screen. With some rave reviews and some heartfelt performances, I am the slightest bit drawn to this love story.
25% MAYBE
Aurora-poster AURORA || It always baffles me with small films like “Aurora” boast some impressive looking visual effects, when big budget films sometimes have a hard enough time making things look that good on their enormous productions. More often than not, it’s visuals that drive me to see a film. But not in this case, as the film itself feels far too derivative of too many other ideas, including the “Terminator” series with the taking over of machines, and all the post-apocalyptic films, with select humans still trying to survive and return to the basics under the oppression of technology that no one ever actually understood.
PASS
Boulevard-poster BOULEVARD || In one of his final dramatic performances, Robin Williams plays a banker who, after sixty years, starts to explore coming out of the closet. With what looks like strong performances across the board, including supporting roles from Kathy Baker and Bob Odenkirk, it’s a shame to know that Williams, such a great actor in everything that he undertook, is really gone. That being said, “Boulevard” falls in line with most closeted, coming out at an old age films, nothing more, nothing less.
PASS
MadWomen-poster MAD WOMEN || Some people just can’t act. And no matter what director you give them or what material you have them perform, the natural talent that many actors have is completely missing. Their lines are delivered shallowly and without conviction, they have nothing behind their eyes, and ultimately, they ruin the performances around them as well. “Mad Women” is full of these untalented actors and I could tell you that after 30 seconds into the trailer.
PASS
MeetMeInMontenegro-poster MEET ME IN MONTENEGRO || The ideals in “Meet Me In Montenegro” are right, but the delivery feels all off. Presented, in sorts, like a documentary, and in other moments as a fictional film, the story of a two lovers torn apart and then brought back together explores the ideas of trust and giving up what matters most to live life and explore love. The idea of not taking leaps of faith, both literally and figuratively, is so disheartening and embracing a life of following the path less traveled is very important and exciting to me.
PASS
SlingShot-poster SLINGSHOT || Dean Kamen is an inventor. His biggest invention: the segue. A dreamer at heart, the invention Kamen is excited about in “Slingshot” is a water purification system that could end a lot of world’s lack of water problem and bring clean drinking water to the countries that really need it by using the same systems that nature uses to produce water. This is definitely one of those documentaries, however, that I felt like I learned enough in the trailer alone to feel informed, without having to actually watch the film.
PASS
Strangerland-poster STRANGERLAND || There’s enough mystery and star power in “Strangerland” to peak my interest at least slightly. Coming to a new town, Catherine (Nicole Kidman) and Matthew (Joseph Fiennes) are at the mercy of their new surroundings when their two teenage children disappear into a sand storm. Low budget, Aussie films such as this can sometimes be hit or miss, but with the above things working in its favor, including Hugo Weaving in the film as well, things tend to lean slightly on the side of a viewing.
25% MAYBE
TheSuicideTheory-poster THE SUICIDE THEORY || For lack of a better term, this feels like a higher than normal quality student film, and often, the most original idea films feel this way because there is so much attention to detail and emotion in the script that it doesn’t feel like the Hollywood churn out that most people are used to. Unfortunately, these student films are best left in short versions rather than features, because even with “The Suicide Theory” where a man asks a hitman to assist in his suicide yet someone miraculously survives each attempt feels too long even in the trailer.
PASS

THEATER

RENTAL

MOST LIKELY CATCH ON NETFLIX (75%)

PROBABLY CATCH ON NETFLIX (50%)

  • Self/Less

MIGHT CATCH ON NETFLIX (25%)

  • 10,000 KM
  • The Gallows
  • Strangerland

PASS

  • Aurora
  • Boulevard
  • Do I Sound Gay?
  • Mad Women
  • Meet Me In Montenegro
  • Minions
  • Nowitzki: The Perfect Shot
  • Slingshot
  • The Suicide Theory
  • Tangerine
  • What We Did On Our Holiday

HELL NO

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